Old Fashioned Hillbilly Christmas 2021

Hello All,

            What a crazy year it’s been. People dogging us about going to work. Tempting, but most of us held out, no use having a job interfere with Christmas at the old homeplace. Cousin Ralph hooked us up to the power company on the sly. And Uncle Bob showed up with a pickup load of firewood. Grandpa put up a Christmas tree and told us not to ask questions. Christmas is on!

            Uncle Al’s back, though he’s still wearing his orange jumpsuit. He borrowed Grandma’s Studebaker and returned with a couple turkeys. No one’s asking where they came from or if the Sheriff’s coming. The kids snuck in the back door of the mall, took Santa by surprise, took his shoes and beard. But they only took 2 reindeer and the sleigh. The kids are always so cute.

Uncle Bob spiked the punch AFTER Grandpa did. Stuff’s radioactive. Cousin Cindy couldn’t wait, filched her own eggs and milk cow, made eggnog that’ll kill them viruses I keep hearing about. We got a cow wandering around the house—someone clean up the mess. Uncle Joe smuggled a kazoo into the house, he’s playing Silent Night, and I have an earache. Now the baby’s throwing a tantrum.

Our hound is baying at the moon—no, he caught the stench of elves. Pesky varmints. Grandma fixed a grasshopper pie—oh, no! Grandpa’s got the pie, he’s going to toss it out of the house, but Cousin Bob’s passed out in the floor and tripped him. The pie went flying—don’t let—too late. The baby ate the pie.

The smarty pants elves found the sleigh and reindeer, but they trod throw the baby’s mess, and they are sulking. Santa doesn’t look happy either. Doesn’t he have extra shoes and beards? Oh, that was a real beard. Someone clean up the baby’s mess.

Uncle Al just turned himself in. Party pooper. Cousin Cindy drank too much eggnog and tried to climb on Santa’s sleigh, but he took off and left her in the pigpen. Cousin Ralph wrapped the present s but lost count and just slapped nametags on without looking. Grandma’s swinging her fists, grabbing the presents she wants, but she’s too tough for anyone to argue.

Yep. Even with this ole year, we had Christmas fun just like always.

Merry Christmas,

You know who