Charles Suddeth

Terry’s wife waved and said adios, goodbye, so long,

He soon grew lonely, blue, and bored with life alone.

He visited Clones-R-Us and picked out a special pet,

He put a speckled blue watermelon-sized egg in his trunk.

He sat the egg in what should have been the baby’s nursery.

Before long, the egg was rolling, rocking, and reeling.

Soon the egg was cracking, bits of shell splattering the walls,

A baby T-Rex burst out, not the little T-Dilong, he’d ordered.

He called the store, asked to swap the T-Rex for a T-Dilong,

Sorry, but once the egg is hatched, there are no exchanges.

T-Rex saw Terry and uttered, Shmoonch, T-Rex for mom,

No, he yelled, wondering what to feed a T-Rex.

Baby T-Rex ate and ate, eating everything in the house,

Bawling for more, expecting Shmoonch to feed it.

Baby T-Rex outgrew its room, the downstairs, the house,

Soon it was munching on whatever lurked in Terry’s yard.

Baby T-Rex was eating anything that dared move,

Anything except Shmoonch, it loved Mommy.

It outgrew the yard, and dined upon the neighbors,

Terry decided to skedaddle before baby ran out of food.

Screaming hysterically, Terry fled down the street,

But baby T-Rex followed, calling for Shmoonch.

Last we heard, Terry is still fleeing for his life,

Baby T-Rex right on his heels, wanting Mommy.

Security camera footage

An alert neighbor caught some would-be burglars on their security cameras. Local cops are on the lookout for some very thin thieves. Those in the area of Headley Hill should be careful.

Only if you dare

Halloween tour?

The Witches’ Castle is located in Utica Indiana, within sight of the Ohio River. What is it? An ancient temple? Abandoned monastery that was the scene of gruesome rites? An outpost built a 1000 years ago by Prince Madoc? The Shawnee daughters of French trader Charles Tully who were driven out of town? The only thing known for sure is that preteen Shanda Sharer was tortured here before taken elsewhere and murdered. Last I heard, is that the land is not listed as trespassing, but you may have to park a block or so up the road—it’s been a while since I visited.

Halloween dinner?

Janie Speaks

Charles Suddeth

She was single, past forty,

Baggy dresses, grey hair,

Seldom talked, never smiled,

Attended Mom’s church.

She came for Sunday dinner,

Our kitchen table stacked high,

Dad said grace, we dug in,

Chomping, lip smacking, chewing.

Janie crammed her mouth,

Roast beef, mashed potatoes.

She grunted and quit eating,

Her kitchen knife hit the floor.

“I’m pregnant,” she mumbled.

Dad spit coffee on his tie.

“That’s nice,” muttered Mom,

Famous for her rages.

Janie gulped iced tea,

“I’m a God-fearing woman,

I ain’t been with no man,

I can’t lie to God.”

Dad buttered his cornbread,

Mom kept pouring gravy,

It flowed onto her lap,

I nibbled, gawked, grinned.

Janie burped a few times,

“It must have been that soup,

That greasy pinto bean soup,

I sure didn’t cook it.”

Dad grabbed his napkin,

Mom served apple pie,

I didn’t dare speak,

Never saw Janie again.

Lady Godiva or Epona?

Epona was a horse goddess. England was officially Christian, but the old gods dwelt in many minds. Lady Godiva rode through Coventry on horseback, bringing memories of Epona to folk. Famous for a nude ride, Lady Godiva wore a linen shift—confusion with Epona altered her story. (I am a descendant of Lady Godiva, but I’m not related to Epona!)

Love her or fear her?

Epona was a Gaulish goddess that Hollywood has turned into a Halloween scare. Roman soldiers adopted her, spreading her worship, especially in Wales and Cornwall. Her name means Born of the mare, and she is goddess over all equines. Had Christianity not intervened, much of Europe might still worship her.

Skull poem

My version of a calaveras.

Here Lies Charles Suddeth

Charles Suddeth

His friends were very few,

But his enemies legion.

Neither woman nor wife,

Could tolerate his presence.

He never had a single buck,

Owed most everyone in town.

He might have once had family,

Bu nobody claimed him.

He made the ladies grin,

As soon as he left the room.

He’s gone to Hell for sure,

If the Devil claims him.

We’ll never forget him, Good, ole what’s-his-name.

Fiddlin’ John

Charles Suddeth

Fiddlin’ John challenged him to a do-or-die duel,

Winner takes all, murmured the dark-eyed stranger.

Fiddlin’ John picked up his worn, trusty fiddle,

Then I shall soon own you fiddle and all.

The stranger held up a shiny red fiddle,

You may play first, I shall be last.

A barmaid winced and offered Fiddlin John a drink,

He knocked it out of her hand and drew back his bow.

His fiddle gushed out with toe-tapping melodies.

He waited for the stranger to plead for mercy.

The stranger stood tall, horns on his head,

Hooves on his feet, as he took up a jeweled bow.

Tunes as dark as a mine shot out of the fiddle,

The door blew open, and the walls glowed red.

Fiddlin’ John searched for a back door,

I win your soul! Boomed the stranger.

The floor opened up into a fiery pit,

Down went Fiddlin’ John, fiddle and all.

Listen close this Halloween night,

The wind whispers hellish melodies.

Fiddlin’ John fiddles again this night.

Howdy y’all

Today, October 19, is National Kentucky Day, celebrating our 1792 statehood. (my mother-in-law was present in 1792, became very teary eyed.) Photos: Red River Gorge. 1837 Old Capitol.

Yankee doodle

October 19, 1781, Yorktown Virginia British General Cornwallis surrendered to an American/French army led by Generals Washington and Lafayette. This was the effective end of the Revolutionary War. (my mother-in-law was present but she insists she was but a girl and doesn’t recall it well)

Yankee doodle keep it up,

Yankee doddle dandy…


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