Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Hello All,

What with this awful virus going on, didn’t any of us see the need for jobs. We’re all back at the old homeplace with lots of time to celebrate. Cousin Ralph convinced the power company to turn our lights on! Grandpa came home with a Christmas tree. He won’t talk about it, but the state park is missing their tree.

The sheriff drove Cousin Al home—he was the only prisoner in the town jail. He went hiking and brought Grandma a turkey. The kids piled in Grandma’s Studebaker and visited Santa at the mall. They were wearing masks, and he didn’t recognize them. The kids are adorable. They got everything but Santa’s shirt and pants. We hid the reindeer and sled in the barn.

Uncle Bob dumped Bourbon in the punch, says it’ll kill viruses. Cousin Cindy promises to make her kick-butt eggnog as soon as the kids borrow eggs and a milk cow. Uncle Joe found out where we buried his accordion, and he’s wheezing out Christmas carols. Our old hound is howling with him, or at him. My ears hurt. Now the baby’s wailing.  

The elves are peeking in the front window—as long as they stay out of the barn, we’ll be all right. The baby just crawled out the front door. The elves are crying—haven’t they smelled dirty diapers before? Oh no. Santa’s nosing around the barn.

Grandma fixed a vinegar pie—the baby took one bite and screamed. Grandma also fixed a marble cake—oh no! Cousin Al, don’t give the baby any cake! Too late, the baby just spit up marbles. I hope Cousin Al gathers up the marbles.

Cousin Ralph wrapped the presents, this year he tagged all the presents, some twice. Free for all! Grandma hurled marbles at us and grabbed most of the presents. The elves snuck the reindeer and sleigh out of the barn! Grandpa was supposed to guard the sleigh, but he drank too much punch. Santa and the reindeer just took off.

Cousin Cindy drank so much eggnog she’s climbing the tree and singing with Uncle Joe. The baby ran into a corner and threw up more marbles. Someone clean the baby! I can’t handle the stench. Yep. Even with that dadburned bug, we had Christmas fun just like last year.

Merry Christmas,

You know who

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On the fourth day of Yule my true love sent to me

Four hunting hawks

Three roosters

Two black ravens And a magpie in a maple tree.

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A Visit from Old Krampus

Charles Suddeth

(deepest apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our house

Not a critter was stirring, not even my spouse;

The stockings were tacked by the fireplace so bare,

In hopes that Krampus would never show up there;

The children were all cowering under their beds;

While visions of sumac switches tortured their heads;

And mamma in her snuggy, and I with my booze,

Had just settled ourselves for a long winter’s snooze,

When out on the road there arose such a clatter,

I leaped from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew right quickly,

Tore open the shutters and felt quite sickly.

The moon glittered on the edges of the new-fallen snow,

Giving a daylight-luster to the objects below,

When what to my red, aching eyes did show,

But a miniature wagon and eight tiny goats to go,

With a mean old driver who raised such a rumpus,

I knew in a moment he just had to be Krampus.

Speedier than vultures his billy goats came,

And he cursed, and yelled, and called them by name:

“Now Pokey! Now, Porky! Now Antsy and Blunder!

On, Demon! On, Devil! On, Dummy and Wonder!

On the top of the roof! On the top of that wall!

Now rush away! Rush away! Rush away ya’ll!”

As shingles before wild tornadoes do fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, jump to the sky;

So over the housetop the eight goats they swiftly flew

With a wagon full of switches and old Krampus too—

And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof

The dancing and dinging of each cloven hoof.

As I ducked down my head and was turning around,

Down the chimney old Krampus fell with a bound.

He was dressed in leather, from his head to his toe,

And his clothes were dirty and greasy to show,   

A bundle of whips he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a thief who was opening his sack.

His eyes—how red they glowed! His head, how hairy!

His cheeks were like leather, his nose like a berry!

His scowling, blistered mouth was frightful to see,

And the beard on his chin was as black as could be;

The stinky cigar he held clamped in his teeth,

As smoke circled his head like a funeral wreath;

He had an ornery face and a hard-bound belly

That quivered when he cackled, like reindeer jelly.

He was thin and bony, like a wicked old elf,

And I wept when I saw him, and tried to hide myself;

A blink of his evil eye, a shake of his head

Soon let me know I had everything to dread;

He uttered no words, but went straight to his work,

Filled the stockings with coal; then swiveled with a jerk,

And laying his claws beside his hairy snout,

And giving a smirk, the back door he flew out;

He shot to his wagon, to his team gave a clap,

And away they all soared with thunder and zap.

But I heard him exclaim as he dashed out of sight—

“Nightmares to all, and to all a bad night!”

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Long ago in the south, fireworks were the norm for Xmas.

Merry Christmas: Ulihelisdi danistayohihv ᎤᎵᎮᎵᏍᏗ ᏓᏂᏍᏔᏲᎯᎲ (they are happy/thankful they go shooting—as in firecrackers)

Santa claus: DistayohiᏗᏍᏔᏲᎯ (he shoots- as in firecrackers, AKA firecracker man)

He gives good children gifts: aneha didanedi nigada diniyotli osdaᎠᏁᎭ ᏗᏓᏁᏗ ᏂᎦᏓ ᏗᏂᏲᏟ ᎣᏍᏓ (he-gives gifts children good)

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One-mile socially distanced hike features holiday lights, music and nature at the Parklands of Floyd’s Fork, Louisville. Ticket required. (I can’t pass up Xmas dinosaurs)  https://winterilluminationsky.com/

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This 30-minute drive through features lights and Christmas exhibits at Louisville Mega Cavern, near Louisville Zoo. Through January 3. Tickets required. https://lightsunderlouisville.com/#/

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Winter Woods Spectacular—Iroquois Park, Louisville.  Now through December 31. Half-mile drive through Xmas lights/sounds/images. Ticket required—proceeds go to the Louisville Parks Foundation.https://www.winterwoodsspectacular.org/shows

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Long ago in the south, fireworks were the norm for Xmas.

Merry Christmas: Ulihelisdi danistayohihv ᎤᎵᎮᎵᏍᏗ ᏓᏂᏍᏔᏲᎯᎲ (they are happy/thankful they go shooting—as in firecrackers)


Santa claus: Distayohi ᏗᏍᏔᏲᎯ (he shoots- as in firecrackers, sometimes translated as firecracker man)


He gives good children gifts: aneha didanedi nigada diniyotli osda ᎠᏁᎭ ᏗᏓᏁᏗ ᏂᎦᏓ ᏗᏂᏲᏟ ᎣᏍᏓ (he-gives gifts all children good)


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Hillbilly Christmas

Old Fashioned Hillbilly Christmas 2019

Hello All,

This year, some of the family got jobs, most of us were luckier. We’re back at the old homeplace. Cousin Ralph gave the power company a check. It will bounce, but we have power for Christmas. Uncle Bob dragged the Town Christmas Tree home, won’t say how it got it. Cousin Al tunneled out of prison and is with us. He brought Grandma a Tofu turkey. She thinks Tofu is a turkey farm—no none has the guts to tell her the truth. The baby will eat it.

Our backyard is full of reindeer—they are hiding, afraid she will run them over in her old Studebaker. (Uncle Bob spiked the punch) Cousin Cindy promises to make her world-famous eggnog—if Uncle Bob leaves any Bourbon. (we may just let the baby have it if the Bourbon peters out)

The kids are adorable. The mall Santa tried to escape. They caught him and swiped his beard, boots, and hat. They drove off with Santa’s sleigh. Uncle Joe dug up his bagpipes (we buried it). The bagpipe sounds like a colicky calf. My head hurts. The grouchy elves are peeking in the living room window. Tell them to go away. An elf tried to sneak in a window, but the baby spit up all over him.

Cousin Al wants to go back in prison, but the sheriff filled in his tunnel so the sheriff can have Christmas without him. The elves are all moaning and holding their ears. Uncle Bob gave Uncle Joe Bourbon until he quit playing. Santa is at the front door and demanding his sled back.

Cousin Ralph wrapped the presents, forgetting tags again this year. Grandma tackled us, grabbing more than her share of the presents. The kids want their share and are wailing.       The elves snuck the reindeer and sleigh out of the house! Santa is on his sled and just took off.

Cousin Cindy drank the eggnog herself. Cousin Cindy just climbed the Christmas tree. The baby’s diaper needs changing—get him away from me! I am getting ill. Wouldn’t you know? More Christmas fun just like last year.

Merry Christmas,

You know who

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Cornish Christmas

I am wishing you a Merry Cornish Christmas in honor of my Cornish 8th great grandmother Marie (Southwoode) Sudduth.

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