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Hillbilly Christmas

Old Fashioned Hillbilly Christmas 2019

Hello All,

This year, some of the family got jobs, most of us were luckier. We’re back at the old homeplace. Cousin Ralph gave the power company a check. It will bounce, but we have power for Christmas. Uncle Bob dragged the Town Christmas Tree home, won’t say how it got it. Cousin Al tunneled out of prison and is with us. He brought Grandma a Tofu turkey. She thinks Tofu is a turkey farm—no none has the guts to tell her the truth. The baby will eat it.

Our backyard is full of reindeer—they are hiding, afraid she will run them over in her old Studebaker. (Uncle Bob spiked the punch) Cousin Cindy promises to make her world-famous eggnog—if Uncle Bob leaves any Bourbon. (we may just let the baby have it if the Bourbon peters out)

The kids are adorable. The mall Santa tried to escape. They caught him and swiped his beard, boots, and hat. They drove off with Santa’s sleigh. Uncle Joe dug up his bagpipes (we buried it). The bagpipe sounds like a colicky calf. My head hurts. The grouchy elves are peeking in the living room window. Tell them to go away. An elf tried to sneak in a window, but the baby spit up all over him.

Cousin Al wants to go back in prison, but the sheriff filled in his tunnel so the sheriff can have Christmas without him. The elves are all moaning and holding their ears. Uncle Bob gave Uncle Joe Bourbon until he quit playing. Santa is at the front door and demanding his sled back.

Cousin Ralph wrapped the presents, forgetting tags again this year. Grandma tackled us, grabbing more than her share of the presents. The kids want their share and are wailing.       The elves snuck the reindeer and sleigh out of the house! Santa is on his sled and just took off.

Cousin Cindy drank the eggnog herself. Cousin Cindy just climbed the Christmas tree. The baby’s diaper needs changing—get him away from me! I am getting ill. Wouldn’t you know? More Christmas fun just like last year.

Merry Christmas,

You know who

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