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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Monday Letdown

We at Headley Hill T-Rex Farm would like to thank everyone who came to the Easter Egg Hunt.
However, some of you left your cars. Please come and get them.

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Drink ’em down

Louisville area getting an Oyster Bar.

I didn’t know oysters drank.

Will the bar allow non-oysters in?

Asking for a friend.7

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Hey Mr. Weatherman

I really really want you to know,

I don’t like your doggone snow.

You gave us lots of nasty ice,

I don’t think that was very nice.

And did I mention how I freeze?

And would you stop if I said please?

And about your beastly nasty west wind,

You are no longer my very best friend!

And now you dare send me a blizzard?

You are so very lucky I am not a wizard.

They call this the worst storm of twenty-two,

I better not say precisely what I think of you!

And if you choose some warmth to send my way,

Of you I just might have kinder words to say!

Charles Suddeth 012922

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Feller asked about Hominy Holler getting those new cellular phones. Bad signals out here, an expert declared. Mayor said we don’t need traffic signals in this town so forget it. They meant not enough bars, someone said. Mayor said we already have the Hominy Holler Tavern, don’t need another bar in this town. I reckon I’ll keep my crank phone.

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Maxwell House banking

Maxwell House banking: Ole John Kelly Riley opened a checking account at the Hominy Holler Bank recently. They gave him 10 temporary checks. Bank called a few days later, said he was overdrawn. I can’t be, he said, I still have 3 checks left. He didn’t need that kind of hassle, so he went home, and like his pappy, he buried his money in a Maxwell House can, in the backyard. (the James gang doesn’t need to know this)

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For your inner Viking

RUNE QUEST

For young and old, located near scenic Lyndon, Kentucky. Open when the sun shines.

Attractions:

–Valhalla—feast with warriors who died in battle

–Dragonship—row a longship on the Ohio River

–Loki’s Den—quaff mead with Viking warriors

–Ride of the Valkyries—ride in the sky with a Valkyrie

–Ogre’s Cave—watch dwarves fashion swords from molten steel

–Elven Dance—dance with the Elves, if you dare

–Odin’s Tree—come face-to-face with Odin, not for the faint of heart.

[Editor’s note: Mr. Suddeth refuses to stop guzzling coffee]

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Huckleberry Mountain Airlines would like to apologize—one of our rookie pilots flew to the Aleutian Islands instead of Hawaii. It is an easy mistake to make, but everyone enjoyed the uncluttered Aleutian beaches. And who knew walrus blubber could be so tasty? Hoodoo Holler International Airport and Flea Market asks that passengers take their caribou home.

[Editor’s Note: Mr. Suddeth has again hit the coffee too hard]

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Flyaway!

Huckleberry Mountain Airlines is now flying out of Hoodoo Holler International Airport and Flea Market. To get to our modern airport just drive through downtown Hoodoo Holler and turn left at the barbecue shack, turn right on the first dirt road, you can’t miss it. We will fly anywhere decent folks want to go. We keep prices low by dispensing with rules and fancy stuff.

[Editor’s Note: Mr. Suddeth has again drunk too much coffee]

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Mighty Mount Everest

1953: Sir Edmund Hillary is the first man to climb Mt. Everest. At the summit, he is shocked to find a message waiting for him:

YOUR WARRANTY HAS EXPIRED

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Ethyl, don’t look!

Friday May 7 is a special holiday—No Pants Day. (if you’re squeamish, quit reading) Participation is optional, I have opted out. My 8th great grandfather, David Suddeth, celebrated no pants day daily—he was from Scotland (kilts are allowed today).  

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