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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Feller asked about Hominy Holler getting those new cellular phones. Bad signals out here, an expert declared. Mayor said we don’t need traffic signals in this town so forget it. They meant not enough bars, someone said. Mayor said we already have the Hominy Holler Tavern, don’t need another bar in this town. I reckon I’ll keep my crank phone.

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Maxwell House banking

Maxwell House banking: Ole John Kelly Riley opened a checking account at the Hominy Holler Bank recently. They gave him 10 temporary checks. Bank called a few days later, said he was overdrawn. I can’t be, he said, I still have 3 checks left. He didn’t need that kind of hassle, so he went home, and like his pappy, he buried his money in a Maxwell House can, in the backyard. (the James gang doesn’t need to know this)

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For your inner Viking

RUNE QUEST

For young and old, located near scenic Lyndon, Kentucky. Open when the sun shines.

Attractions:

–Valhalla—feast with warriors who died in battle

–Dragonship—row a longship on the Ohio River

–Loki’s Den—quaff mead with Viking warriors

–Ride of the Valkyries—ride in the sky with a Valkyrie

–Ogre’s Cave—watch dwarves fashion swords from molten steel

–Elven Dance—dance with the Elves, if you dare

–Odin’s Tree—come face-to-face with Odin, not for the faint of heart.

[Editor’s note: Mr. Suddeth refuses to stop guzzling coffee]

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Huckleberry Mountain Airlines would like to apologize—one of our rookie pilots flew to the Aleutian Islands instead of Hawaii. It is an easy mistake to make, but everyone enjoyed the uncluttered Aleutian beaches. And who knew walrus blubber could be so tasty? Hoodoo Holler International Airport and Flea Market asks that passengers take their caribou home.

[Editor’s Note: Mr. Suddeth has again hit the coffee too hard]

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Flyaway!

Huckleberry Mountain Airlines is now flying out of Hoodoo Holler International Airport and Flea Market. To get to our modern airport just drive through downtown Hoodoo Holler and turn left at the barbecue shack, turn right on the first dirt road, you can’t miss it. We will fly anywhere decent folks want to go. We keep prices low by dispensing with rules and fancy stuff.

[Editor’s Note: Mr. Suddeth has again drunk too much coffee]

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Mighty Mount Everest

1953: Sir Edmund Hillary is the first man to climb Mt. Everest. At the summit, he is shocked to find a message waiting for him:

YOUR WARRANTY HAS EXPIRED

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Ethyl, don’t look!

Friday May 7 is a special holiday—No Pants Day. (if you’re squeamish, quit reading) Participation is optional, I have opted out. My 8th great grandfather, David Suddeth, celebrated no pants day daily—he was from Scotland (kilts are allowed today).  

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1775: Paul Revere goes on his famous Midnight Ride: The British are coming! He stops at Ye Olde Taverne, ties his steed to a hitching post, and hands a message to the Tavern Keeper:

YOUR WARRANTY HAS EXPIRED

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Iceberg Blues

April 15, 1912, the Titanic hit an iceberg. As the ship was sinking, the wireless operator received a telegram. He rushed it to the captain.

YOUR WARRANTY HAS EXPIRED

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I would like to thank everyone for losing an hour for the war effort. General Washington’s troops need all the whale oil they can get if we are to prevail against the Redcoats. (we might even spare a whale or 2) Ben Franklin thanks you.

Hey, General Washington I don’t wanna go…

Hey, Ahab, I think I see a whale…

[Editor’s note: getting up an hour early interfered with Mr. Suddeth’s coffee drinking]

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