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Sorry about Nessie

Loch Ness Let Down

Researchers from Pictland College, Scotland discovered that Nessie is NOT a prehistoric dinosaur. This will destroy the Scottish tourism industry. Nessie is a garden-variety of English dragon, not at all unusual. (St. George did not slay all the dragons)

[Editor’s note: It is April 1st, and Mr. Suddeth has again slipped Bourbon into his coffee]

Science is Amazing

Researchers at Louisville State University School of Dairy Science developed the Brown Swiss Chocolate Cow. After being fed cocoa leaves, it produces chocolate milk. (LSU’s Goose Creek Experimental Dairy Farm off Fort William Road) Officials expect to have herds producing chocolate milk in time for the fall school semester.

[Editor’s note: It is April 1st, and Mr. Suddeth will not stop drinking coffee]

 

Real Shocker!

Shocking Discovery!

An alert Census Taker discovered a family of Bigfoot living in suburban Louisville, Saltlick Road area. Census administrators will determine if the Bigfoot family can be counted. Local officials are discussing the feasibility of serving the family with an eviction notice—the property belongs to the government because of back taxes. Police recommend that sightseers stay away for safety reasons.

[Editor’s note: It is April 1st, and Mr. Suddeth has consumed far too much caffeine]

Spine tingling!

The Other Roswell!

About 20 miles south of Louisville, Roswell, Kentucky is the site of an abandoned strip mine where several UFO’s have crashed. Scientists at the Louisville State University School of Astrophysics recently retrieved the wreckage and two bodies from a UFO that crashed in Roswell. Officials plan to build a museum to house these artifacts.

[Editor’s note: It is April 1st, and Mr. Suddeth refuses to cut back on coffee]

Landscape

 

Science Marches On

Agri-scientists at the Louisville State University School of Agriculture have developed the Cocoa Hen, which lays chocolate eggs (yellow yolk, chocolate white) after eating cocoa pellets. (LSU’s Smyrna Pike Experimental Poultry Farm) Officials predict the eggs will be on the market in time for Easter.

[Editor’s note: It is April 1st, and Mr. Suddeth has drunk far too much coffee]

 

Home with who?

Hangin’ With the Homefolks

Charles Suddeth

 

We don’t allow no strangers and stragglers,

Neighbors best keep your six feet or more,

I haven’t seen a fresh face in many weeks,

I don’t care to get close to any old soul.

 

I’ve got my roommate to keep me company,

We gab and laugh at moldy, old jokes,

We take turns cooking and cleaning and all,

It helps pass the time, don’t you know?

 

I live alone, you say, but who’s here?

Has cabin fever mucked with my mind?

Not only do I see things that don’t exist,

But I chat and they answer right away.

 

Now I am too frightened to speak,

Madness has struck this lonely boy,

Or is it something else? Dare I say it?

Ghosts have cast their spells on me.

 

 

Pok-ta-pok AKA Pitz (modern version is ulama) is a 4,000-year-old Mayan ballgame played with a hard rubber ball on a stone court (signifying Xibalba, Mayan underworld) that was larger than a football field. No hands were allowed. This is a game for real men.

 

 

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