C. T. Suddeth

I thought I would present this on Labor Day because it is one of the few sane holidays:

Holidays can be nightmares. Mama always warned me: Choose your friends & holidays carefully. I never listened.

1. Only the Horses are Sane Day: In Louisville, the Kentucky Derby is THE holiday. Partying over a 2-minute race goes on for days. I treasure the Derby, but by the 1^st Saturday in May, I am more tired than the horses. And I usually bet on nags that get lost before the finish line.
2. I ate too Much Candy Day: Of course, I don’t hate Halloween, but I never get trick-or-treaters. I end up eating all the candy. I could buy candy that I didn’t like, but the little ones wouldn’t like it either. Besides, what candy don’t I like?
3. Cute Little Critter Day: As a writer, I need something flashier than Ground Hog Day. Skunk Day or Porcupine Day? And in the south, ground hogs are the main course and never see their shadows.
4. Boss’s Day: Really? Really? How about the other 364 days Boss’s Days? It’s on October 16 or the nearest workday. Maybe Employee’s Day? We deserve one stinking day.
5. You Gotta be Kidding Day: The third Saturday in October is listed in some states as Sweetest Day. Candy a few days before Halloween? The day was invented by candy manufacturers years ago. Wonder why?
6. Stay Home and Sleep Day: AKA Black Friday. The Friday after Thanksgiving is the day everyone but me shops. Except for bookstores, shopping is more painful than root canals.
7. What Happened to Secretary’s Day? On Wednesday of the last week in April is Administrative Professionals Day. This name implies something is wrong with secretaries. Are writers Word Professionals?
8. The Fourth of July: I love Independence Day. Parades & fireworks. Patriotic songs. But they voted for the Declaration of Independence on July 2^nd, wrote it up on July 3^rd, and signed it on July 4^th. My birthday is July 3^rd, so as a compromise, it should be The Third of July. Who said writers aren’t egotistical?
9. Winter Solstice: The Shortest Day of the Year, a few days before Christmas. AKA the Longest Night of the Year. It’s too dark and cold to do anything on this day. I always write late & sleep in, so I see almost no daylight. Maybe it will inspire me to write a Krampus novel.
10. Tax Day: Need I say it? Every April 15^th Uncle Sam demands his share. I don’t mind paying, but questions haunt me: Did I forget anything? (Of course I did) Did I include everything? (Even the IRS doesn’t know) What if they didn’t receive my tax forms? I’ll end up in a prison cell with a guy named Killer Joe.
    Don’t be surprised if you read my novels and some these of holidays show up. I always wanted to do a horror story. How about, Killer Klowns on Black Friday? Or Derby Horses Make the Jockeys Gallop? Or Halloween Martian Attack?

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